“What you brood, will hatch…”
An old saying – and there’s truth in it, of course.
Personally, I’m not a great fan of the “fake it till you make it”, the “smile and your mood will catch up” school of thought. There’s a whole “positivity industry” that would endorse it, but I don’t believe you’ll feel better by pretending.
In fact, I believe that fabricating a positive facade can really make you feel much worse – like a fraud, who’s pretending to be OK, and isolated because your pain is so shameful that it must be ignored or hidden. Painful feelings can’t be beaten down with logic, either, so don’t listen to voices (inner or external) that try and tell you otherwise!
Feelings just … are …
Please understand this – your feelings are valid. You feel what you feel, right here and now, and there are no “wrong” ones.
However, experiencing strong and difficult feelings can lead you to form some unhelpful conclusions:
- I’m not good enough
- I’m not lovable
- I’m a failure
- I’m powerless
So, what to do?
Get real …
If you have a trusted friend or family member who can hear your truth, that’s wonderful! Go – do!
If not, why not find a therapist or a counsellor? It’s their job to listen without judgement, offering a safe space for you to express and explore your feelings. Sitting with your emotions – rather than running away, stuffing them down, trying to drown or obliterate them in some way – opens up a space for examining what’s going on for you.
Once you have accepted and expressed what you’re feeling, then you can begin to look at those conclusions you were drawing, those beliefs about yourself and the world that have kept you going in circles.
Again, a therapist can help you to gently examine and rewrite those underlying ‘rules’ you’ve created for yourself. Often, the origins of our beliefs are set down in childhood, long before we are capable of critical thinking, and may well be based on a child’s misunderstanding of how the world works.
And the impact of those emotions that are so uncomfortable, whether fear, anger or shame, will diminish as we no longer try to live according to the unhelpful beliefs.
What would it be like to rewrite your ‘rules’?
In my experience, Matrix Reimprinting offers an excellent way to do this gentle work of giving ourselves permission to rewrite the ‘rules’.
If you think I may be able to help you stop going in circles, do get in touch – just drop me an email and we can arrange to have an exploratory chat over the phone.
All photos found on Pixabay and reproduced under Creative Commons Licence.